Monday, October 13, 2008

Some last minute wedding thoughts

I know I said I probably wouldn't blog until after the wedding, but I lied. There's a few things on my mind and I figured it would be a nice little update. Here goes....

Wow. That's the word that just keeps going through my mind. We have 5 days left! This thing called a wedding is really going to happen! The feeling is a bit overwhelming. While Jordan and I only got engaged about 11 months ago, we've been thinking and talking about getting married for a much longer time than that. It's always been that thing we are going to do in the future. It's now not really so far in the future anymore. We met with Pastor Bell yesterday evening, he kind of walked us through what we were going to be doing (a great idea for you future brides out there, meet with your officiant before the rehearsal. It will take so much pressure off!). It just made the whole thing so real. We were both pretty choked up by the time we left the church.

What's really strange about the whole thing is that the closer I get, the less stressed out I seem to be. I've been all but losing it the past month or so, but in the past few days I've been pretty relaxed. Sure, there are a few last minute details to put together, but for the most part, everything is done. I go in for my final fitting tomorrow, and actually get to take my dress home! I have my rehearsal outfit, I've started packing for our minimoon

Basically, I had to force myself to snap out of the funk I've been in. I've been so worried about all of the details of the wedding, and school and work, and everything else going on right now, that I really haven't enjoyed any of the planning process. But last week, after a long conversation with Mom on our way to Indy (and back and all the time in between), I finally got it into my thick skull that it doesn't matter that work has been super stressful lately, or the economy has crashed, or there has been so much drama with the bridesmaid dresses. For one amazing day, it is all about Jordan and me. I know that as soon as the moment comes when we first see each other, everything else will melt away. It will be just like that first night we really knew each other, when we laid out for hours on top of Christman's SUV and watched the stars. There was such a peace that night, not really a "love at first sight" moment, but just a peace of mind that said "this is it, this is what it's supposed to feel like to really connect with someone."

We've grown so much since then, our relationship has gotten much more complicated, and there's been more drama than stars in that bright sky. Still, we've gotten through a deployment, a devastating loss, and so many other smaller troubles. He's still the one I want to come home to at night, the one I laugh with, cry with, yell with. The one who rubs my feet when we're watching Mythbusters and eating leftovers on a night when I've been pushed to my limit. The one who drives me nuts when he mixes the white laundry with the blue jeans or puts an empty ice pan back into the freezer. I can't wait for him to drive me crazy for the rest of my life :). We're going to face at least one more deployment, many more devastating losses. I'm going to have to fight him every morning when he chooses Doritos instead of granola for breakfast. But he is going to be the one I jump up and down with when I FINALLY get this damn diploma, the one I'm going to share my beignets with in NOLA, the one who's going to hold my hand when I'm having my babies and every happy moment after. For all his "Oh Jordan" moments, he is such a strong and sturdy rock in my life and I can't wait to go through life with him holding my hand.

Phew, that was a lot longer than I planned. 5 days left people. LET'S DO THIS THING!!!!

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