Saturday, March 29, 2008

An Oath to Join the Military

Found this on one of my military sig sites...most of these are absolutely hilarious!

Oath to Join the Military
All persons, upon entering Military Service and upon reenlistment, are required to take the Oath of Enlistment. At one time, the Oath of Enlistment was the same for all services. Due to changes in both society and the differing Military Branches, the Oath has undergone marked change and has been specifically tailored to each branch of the Military and their specific function. Here are the latest versions of the Oath of Enlistment as recently released by the Joint Chiefs of Staff.

I, (State your name), swear to sign away 4 years of my life to the UNITED STATES AIR FORCE because I know I couldn't hack it in the Army, because the Marines frighten me, and because I am afraid of water over waist. I swear to sit behind a desk. I also swear not to do any form of real exercise, but promise to defend our bike-riding test as a valid form of exercise. I promise to walk around calling everyone by their first name because I find it amusing to annoy the other services. I will have a better quality of life than those around me and will, at all times, be sure to make them aware of that fact. After completion of "Basic Training", I will be a lean, mean, donut-eating, Lazy-Boy sitting, civilian-wearing-blue-clothes, chair-borne Ranger. I will believe I am superior to all others and will make an effort to clean the knife before stabbing the next person in the back. I will annoy those around me, and will go home early every day. So Help Me God!"

"I, Rambo, swear to sign away 4 years of my mediocre life to the UNITED STATES ARMY because I couldn't score high enough on the ASVAB to get into the Air Force, I'm not tough enough for the Marines, and the Navy won't take me because I can't swim. I will wear camouflage every day and tuck my trousers into my boots because I can't figure out how to use blousing straps. I promise to wear my uniform 24 hours a day even when I have a date. I will continue to tell myself that I am a fierce killing machine because my Drill Sergeant told me I am, despite the fact that the only action I will see is a Court-Martial for sexual harassment. I acknowledge the fact that I will make E-8 in my first year of service, and vow to maintain that it is because I scored perfect on my PT test. After completion of my mean "Basic Training," I will attend a different Army school every other month and return knowing less than I did when I left. On my first trip home after Boot Camp, I will walk around like I am cool and propose to my 9th grade sweetheart. I will make my wife stay home because if I let her out she might leave me for a better-looking Air Force guy. Should she leave me twelve times, I will continue to take her back. While at work, I will maintain a look of knowledge while getting absolutely nothing accomplished. I will arrive to work every day at 1000 hrs because of morning PT and leave everyday at 1300 to report back to "COMPANY." I understand that I will undergo no training whatsoever that will help me get a job upon separation, and will end up working construction with my friends from high school. I will brag to everyone about the Army giving me $30,000 for college, but will be unable to use it because I can't pass a placement exam.

"I, Top Gun, in lieu of going to prison, swear to sign away 4 years of my life to the UNITED STATES NAVY, because I want to hang out with Marines without actually having to BE one of them, because I thought the Air Force was too "corporate" cause I didn't want to actually live in dirt like the Army, and because I thought, "Hey, I like to swim...why not?" I promise >to wear clothes that went out of style in 1976 and to have my name stenciled on the butt of every pair of pants I own. I understand that I will be mistaken for the Good Humor Man during summer, and for Nazi Waffen SS during the winter. I will strive to use a different language than the rest of the English-speaking world, using words like "deck, bulkhead, cover, gee dunk, scuttlebutt, scuttle and head," when I really mean "floor, wall, hat, candy, water fountain, hole in wall and toilet."! I will take great pride in the fact that all Navy acronyms, rank, and insignia, and everything else for that matter, are completely different from the other services and make absolutely no sense whatsoever. I will muster, whatever that is, at 0700 every morning unless I am buddy-buddy with the Chief, in which case I will show up around 0930. I vow to hone my coffee cup-handling skills to the point that I can stand up in a kayak being tossed around in a typhoon, and still not spill a drop. I consent to being promoted and subsequently busted at least twice per fiscal year. I realize that, once selected for Chief, I am required to submit myself to the sick, and quite possibly illegal, whims of my newfound colleagues." So Help Me Neptune!"

"I, (make up a name the police won't recognize), swear..uhhhh..high and tight....grunt...cammies....kill....fix bayonets....charge....slash....dig.... burn....blowup....ugh...Air Force' wives..... air strikes....yes SIR!....whiskey....liberty call....salute....Ooorah Gunny....grenades...women....OORAH! So Help Me Chesty PULLER!" X________________ Thumb Print XX ________________ Teeth Marks

Sunday, March 23, 2008

Oh this reminds me of SO many people...

Do you ever find yourself watching someone cross the street while texting and wondering if they realize that there is a semi coming towards them? Apparently, I am not the only one who thinks this is a bit ridiculous.

Sunday, March 16, 2008

What TO say to a military sig

I've posted lists after lists of things not to say to someone whose soldier is deployed. One of my military sigs finally came up with a good list of what TO say!

1) Ask how he's doing. I may be dealing with this deployment, but I am ALWAYS more worried about him than I am myself... ask about him.

2) Tell me that you don't get it. Admit that you don't understand what I'm going through, rather than trying to come up with a comparison, because there really isn't one.

3) Tell me you'll listen... whenever, wherever. I read an article tonight that said "Grief lasts so much longer than most people's sympathy and patience." Granted, that was in reference to losing your soldier, however, it is also true in this situation. Many people think that it gets easier, or goes away, with time. I never stop missing him, and I never stop worrying about him. Please be there to listen.

4) Tell me we'll go out, just the girls. Being the 3rd/5th/7th wheel is not only uncomfortable, but also sad and lonely right now. I need girls nights now more than ever.

5) Understand that I may not be "in the mood" to go out. It's not that he told me I couldn't, it's that sometimes I just don't want to.

6) Give me time and space to deal with all of this... seriously, although I haven't been pregnant I'm pretty sure the emotions I'm dealing with would be fair competition to it, but remind me that you're there.

7) Be yourself around me. Just because I'm sad doesn't mean I'll be offended if you're not!

Thursday, March 13, 2008

2 years? Holy crap!

My technicians have some interesting stories about people's toilets. This is one that I have not heard of.

Saturday, March 08, 2008

If you are going to steal doughnuts, don't offer them to the cops. You might just get caught.