Saturday, June 13, 2009

My Better Half

My ex's father once told me that the phrase "other half" was stupid and made no sense. You can't fall in love with someone else until you yourself are whole. Looking back, I know what he was getting at. He was telling an insecure teenager that she needed to love herself before she could expect anyone to love her.

However, I tend to disagree with him that the phrase is silly. Any Army wife knows EXACTLY what that phrase means. Maybe not so much when he is home. But his absence, whether it is one night, a week, a year, is felt so much more than his presence. I can't explain the feeling, other than to say it feels like a piece of you is missing. Something is off. I feel restless, uncomfortable, insecure. It's different from when he just works late. I know he's not coming home tonight, and because of that, I am so, so lonely.

I will not miss this chapter in our lives. I hate going somewhere and being asked by every single person, "Where's J.?" He was supposed to come with me to the wedding today but of course, it was drill weekend. There's nothing worse than attending a wedding alone. It's sort of fitting, because he was absent the entire time I lived with N. and was active in the Campus House. Still, I wanted him to be there.

Ok, I'm going to go to bed now and stop whining. Sorry for this little rant. He'll be home tomorrow night and I will feel so much more at ease.

3 more years...

Reading: Watership Down by Richard Adams

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