I've posted lists after lists of things not to say to someone whose soldier is deployed. One of my military sigs finally came up with a good list of what TO say!
1) Ask how he's doing. I may be dealing with this deployment, but I am ALWAYS more worried about him than I am myself... ask about him.
2) Tell me that you don't get it. Admit that you don't understand what I'm going through, rather than trying to come up with a comparison, because there really isn't one.
3) Tell me you'll listen... whenever, wherever. I read an article tonight that said "Grief lasts so much longer than most people's sympathy and patience." Granted, that was in reference to losing your soldier, however, it is also true in this situation. Many people think that it gets easier, or goes away, with time. I never stop missing him, and I never stop worrying about him. Please be there to listen.
4) Tell me we'll go out, just the girls. Being the 3rd/5th/7th wheel is not only uncomfortable, but also sad and lonely right now. I need girls nights now more than ever.
5) Understand that I may not be "in the mood" to go out. It's not that he told me I couldn't, it's that sometimes I just don't want to.
6) Give me time and space to deal with all of this... seriously, although I haven't been pregnant I'm pretty sure the emotions I'm dealing with would be fair competition to it, but remind me that you're there.
7) Be yourself around me. Just because I'm sad doesn't mean I'll be offended if you're not!