WARNING: MUSH ALERT!

J left for his annual 3 week field training for the military. For some reason, his unit opts for 3 weeks, instead of the traditional 2. Yeah, it's great for the unit but it sucks a big one for the wives!

It's only been a few days but already I'm having a rough time of it. "But Haley, you guys survived a year and a half deployment! 3 weeks should be easy!!!" I've been hearing that a lot lately, as we've prepared for this. It should be easy. But it's not. Actually, it's a lot harder than I thought it would be. I went home this weekend to escape the fact that it was harder than I thought it was going to be.

Our relationship has changed so much in the past two years. When J deployed, we had only been dating 9 months. We weren't living together--I lived at school and he lived with his mom. We spent as much time as possible together, but it was usually once or twice a week, definitely not every day. We knew we would probably be together long term, but our relationship still had a lot of growing to do, and the deployment had a lot to do with that. He was gone, but my life wasn't centered around him. I missed him terribly, more than I ever thought I could, but my day to day life didn't really involve him.

Now, however, J is the most important person in my life. He's here, every single day, at the beginning, at the end, sometimes in the middle. Our marriage is still new and we're still working out the kinks, but he is an integral part of my day to day life. It's hard enough on drill weekends, where he's gone overnight. I hate drill weekends. But take him out of the picture for 3 whole weeks? I'm not really sure what to do with myself. Luckily, my family is close enough that I can go home on the weekends, so I'm not stuck in this tiny studio apartment by myself on the weekends. But nights are hard, like tonight. The apartment is quiet, even Keira has settled down for the time being. I've been trying to read but I can't stay focused. Normally, J'd be sitting next to me watching YouTube videos, driving me crazy because the volume is too loud and if I have to listen to one more screaming skateboarder I might throw the laptop out the window!

I don't know where I'm going with this. I miss my husband. That's about it. 4 days down, 18 to go :(.

We bought a House! OMG!

*Deep Breath In*

We bought a house in Yorktown today! Look at this beauty:

Photo by Coldwell Lundsford

First, let me just say, yes, this happened very, very fast. No, we didn't mean to jump into this. We thought it would take several months to find a house. But, you know me. I never do anything the way MOST people do things. I've always been the type of person who knows immediately when I find "The One." J., however, just kind of goes along with whatever. He doesn't usually get emotionally attached to things. We went to the open house Sunday and as soon as we pulled up we both went "ohhhhhhhh." The picture doesn't do it justice. The brick is BRAND NEW, as are the windows. You walk in to a very grand entrance for this price level. It's a bi-level home, so the foyer splits into two stair cases.

Upstairs, there are three bedrooms, a living room, dining room, bathroom, and kitchen. Downstairs, there is a fantastic open space that will be perfect for a media room, but also for an entertaining space. We want to put a bar cabinet in the corner for when we have people over. It will be great to finally have somewhere to hang out with friends. There is also another large bedroom downstairs, which will probably be our guest bedroom (aka B's room, when J's best friend comes to stay).

We also have a 1.5 car garage. It has plenty of room for not only MY car, but also lots of storage! Luckily for J. we have a long driveway and a street to park in :). The other huge plus the yard. Wait till you see it! We have a HUGE deck AND a big yard with a privacy fence.

Really, it's the perfect starter home. J. loves it, I definitely love it. It's move in ready for us, with a few projects to make the house our own. The hardwood floors need to be refinished and sealed. That's something we are planning to do shortly after we move in. The bathroom floor also needs replaced, as the laminate has cracked. We have an allowance upon closing to purchase the flooring of our choice for that room. My kitchen needs the most work. The cabinets, while real wood, are mauve and are outdated. To start, I'll repaint and change the handles. Probably change the color of the walls too. But, I have high hopes for that kitchen and would love to add more cabinets and maybe add a breakfast bar. That will come later though, probably in a few years. We want to add another bathroom eventually, to increase the resale value later. I'm really looking forward to these projects. I've been dying to get my hands dirty for a year now, I even helped a friend of mine paint her house because I was so restless to decorate my own home! Some of you are rolling your eyes right now but I really am looking forward to have a chance to make my own home.

Unfortunately, we still have a long road ahead. We don't close until August 31st. J's gone for most of August and I'm going to be staying in a teeny tiny little studio apartment behind my office. I have to do some marathon packing next week and get everything into a storage locker. I'm taking the bare minimum with me to the apartment, basically my mattress and my computer and some paper plates. Maybe some clothes haha.

*Deep breath out*

Our House, in the Middle of the Street

You know, I've never understood those lyrics. Why would you want a house in the middle of the street? Could cause some traffic issues.

Any-way. Some news. If you follow me on Twitter or Facebook, you've probably already inferred this but, after long deliberation, J. and I have decided to buy our first house! We decided earlier in the week but I finally ripped the bandaid off and told my Mom tonight. Not an easy conversation, but that's to be expected. She is just worried, that's what moms do.

Why now? A couple of reasons:

1. The big one, The $8,000 stimulus package. Why WOULDN'T we buy when we can get a huge chunk of cash back into our pockets? We can ammend 2008's taxes and use the money to make any repairs needed or buy furnishings, and of course, put most of it into savings for later use.

2. We are ready. We are sick of renting. I hate paying to live in someone else's house. I want to be able to have a yard, to plant a garden, to have a puppy, to be able to hang a shelf and put some pictures out. Yes, this also means that if my kitchen sink backs up, I have to pay the plumber to come run hydroscrub it. I have to mow that lawn (well, J. does anyway). But those are tradeoffs that we are willing to make. Responsibilities we are willing to take on. It's not going to be easy. But I think that's part of it. I'm ready for a new challenge.

3. Our jobs are as stable as they are gonna be in the next few years. Sure, there are no guarantees. Sure, I could lose my job tomorrow. I think everyone is in that boat right now. But I have to take that leap of faith sometime. I just have to know that God is gonna be there to catch me if that happens. If I didn't feel he was leading me in this direction, we wouldn't be at this point. But after so much talk and prayer, I really think He's telling us to take this next step, that it's ok to jump.

WHOOOOOHOOOO!!!! I am so excited! J. and I met with our real estate agent Wednesday and we got home and we both sat down and felt completely at peace. Well, maybe not at peace, we were both pretty pumped up about the whole thing. But we just feel really positive about it. Our agent is the type of person to be very upfront and honest, she's not going to let us shop out of our price range. She and I are going to get along very well, I think. She was very open to my questions, no matter how off the wall they were (or at least seemed to me).

I'm going to go to some open houses tomorrow. J's at drill and I could use a partner, let me know if you would like to go with me!

Cupcake Trifle and Health update

First of all, an update on all things health related. If you follow me on Twitter, you know that I am a long time sufferer of migraines, and they have been seriously plaguing me the past few weeks. I finally made a chiropractor appointment, and then the same day I called the chiropractor, a migraine specialist in Carmel found me on Twitter! I made an appointment with him as well. Tuesday I had my first chiropractic appointment. She checked my spine, took Xrays, and hooked me up to some electrodes for a decompression treatment. Wednesday I went back in and she showed me my Xrays. Basically, where my neck should be curved, it is almost completely straight, thus putting a lot of extra pressure on my spine, from the extra perceived weight of my head. So she took me out and did my first adjustment. OH MY GOD. It hurt sooooooo bad! We both knew it was going to, and she tried to make it as quick as possible, but I was in tears when I left the table. My bones have been locked in that position for awhile! I did another treatment and back to work I went.

Thursday was my appointment with the specialist. It was so quick and easy. I was lead into a dim meeting room, instead of a bright patient room. I had a discussion with the doctor--how my migraines appear, how long they are present, how they hurt, where they hurt, etc. He concluded that I have Occipital Myalgia, which basically means that the nerve in the back of my head is being pinched by my muscles. He put me on preventative meds and I'm going to have a nerve block done to stop the pain. We meet again in 6 weeks to see what's working and what's not. Overall I feel pretty positive about the appointment, and I really think I'm going to start feeling better soon.

Yesterday, I was invited to a coworkers family Fourth of July dinner. J. had to work until 10 and my parents were at the lake with friends, so I was going to be by myself. I decided I was going to bring my favorite chocolate cake recipe, in cupcake form. Unfortunately, the cake is an old fashioned layer cake and the batter was just too thin to translate into cupcakes. The frosting was also too thin, and couldn't cover up the flat cupcake tops. They were soooooo ugly! Just before I was getting ready to leave, a Twitter friend suggested I put it all in a bowl and put Cool Whip on it! What a fantastic idea! I had some heavy cream I needed to use up, and I'm always looking for another reason to use my trifle bowl. Look at how pretty this dessert is! (Please excuse the cell phone picture.)

By the end of the night, all of it was gone except for one scoopfull, which Jordan promptly ate when he got home from work. It was sooooooo yummy! I will be making this again, on purpose! Next time though, I'll skip the cupcake part, and just make the cake in sheet pans, then crumble it up in the trifle bowl. Here are the recipes I use:

Beatty's Chocolate Cake

From Ina Garten on Food Network

Ingredients

• Butter, for greasing the pans
• 1 3/4 cups all-purpose flour, plus more for pans
• 2 cups sugar
• 3/4 cups good cocoa powder I use Ghiradelli, it's the best my grocery store carries.
• 2 teaspoons baking soda
• 1 teaspoon baking powder
• 1 teaspoon kosher salt
• 1 cup buttermilk, shaken
• 1/2 cup vegetable oil
• 2 extra-large eggs, at room temperature I only had large, which may have been the problem, caused the cakes to fall.
• 1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
• 1 cup freshly brewed hot coffee

Directions

Chocolate Buttercream, recipe follows

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F. Butter 2 (8-inch) round cake pans. Line with parchment paper, then butter and flour the pans. You could also use a large sheet pan for this, since we are just going to crumble the cake up into the bowl.

Sift the flour, sugar, cocoa, baking soda, baking powder, and salt into the bowl of an electric mixer fitted with a paddle attachment and mix on low speed until combined. In another bowl, combine the buttermilk, oil, eggs, and vanilla. With the mixer on low speed, slowly add the wet ingredients to the dry. With mixer still on low, add the coffee and stir just to combine, scraping the bottom of the bowl with a rubber spatula. Pour the batter into the prepared pans (it is supposed to be really thin) and bake for 35 to 40 minutes, until a cake tester comes out clean. Cool in the pans for 30 minutes, then turn them out onto a cooling rack and cool completely.

Chocolate Frosting: Just so you are warned, this frosting is to die for. You will be addicted. I cannot be held responsible.

6 ounces good semisweet chocolate Again, I use Ghiradelli, it's that or Bakers, which wouldn't work at all for this.

1/2 pound (2 sticks) unsalted butter, at room temperature

1 extra-large egg yolk, at room temperature Large works fine for the frosting.

1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract

1 1/4 cups sifted confectioners' sugar

1 tablespoon instant coffee powder

Chop the chocolate and place it in a heat-proof bowl set over a pan of simmering water. Stir until just melted and set aside until cooled to room temperature.

In the bowl of an electric mixer fitted with a paddle attachment, beat the butter on medium-high speed until light yellow and fluffy, about 3 minutes. Add the egg yolk and vanilla and continue beating for 3 minutes. Turn the mixer to low, gradually add the confectioners' sugar, then beat at medium speed, scraping down the bowl as necessary, until smooth and creamy. Dissolve the coffee powder in 2 teaspoons of the hottest tap water. On low speed, add the chocolate and coffee to the butter mixture and mix until blended. Don't whip!

Cupcake Trifle

1 batch Chocolate Cake

1 batch Chocolate frosting

16 oz Cool Whip, thawed (or even better, REAL homemade whipped cream)

In a Trifle bowl, or any big serving bowl, layer cake, frosting, whipped cream. Do this three times, ending with whipped cream, smoothing out the top. I shaved some chocolate on top. Keep in fridge until ready to serve.

Random Articles

There is an article in Real Simple Magazine this month about empty nesters sending random newspaper articles to their children. The consensus was that it's annoying, they'd rather just have their parents call or write a letter, instead of sending a random article about, say, the cat flu in Antarctica. My parents don't do this, but my grandmother does. It used to be just clippings from the local paper with a picture of me with the swim team, or if I made the honor roll, or something like that. Now, she's moved on to email forwards and things like that. As I was reading the article, I was chuckling to myself thinking about the last letter I got from her. Slightly annoying, but endearing at the same time.

Then I realized, I DO THIS TOO! If you don't believe me, look into the archives of this blog and look at all fo the random things I've posted here. When I started this blog, it was just a place for me to post the miscellaneous things I found interesting--cool products, weird news articles, etc. Then Facebook invented it's share function. I didn't use it much at first, until they provided us with a handy little button to put in our favorites bar. Now, when I see come across a handle to carry grocery sacks, I can post it to my facebook. Or say I see a comic that reminds me of my best friend. I can share directly with him! Now that I have Google Reader, I can share with my Reader too! My cousin made a comment to me a few weeks ago that she had blocked me in her Reader feed because I'm constantly sharing funny (to me anyway) lolcats. Unfortunately, I was also sharing vegetarian and vegan recipes I came across, for her specifically. Oops! Because it is just a click of a button, I don't realize how often I share the random things I come across.

But for me, they are conversation starters. I love seeing that little red box in the right hand corner of my facebook that tells me someone has commented on something I've posted. It's the same reason I tweet so much. I like the conversations that evolve from posting such things.

The moral of this story? I have very eclectic interests. I try to keep the shares focused on things that I think other people might be interested, and don't be surprised if I send you an article about your chosen occupation, or your favorite band. It means I was thinking about you, and most people like to know that they matter to someone. At least I do.

Just finished: Watership Down by Richard Adams--This book definitely took me by surprise, when I found out it was about rabbits, I almost put it down as a children's book. However, it's a fantastic adventure story from the meek creatures none of us pay much attention to.

Up next: Home by Julie Andrews

My Better Half

My ex's father once told me that the phrase "other half" was stupid and made no sense. You can't fall in love with someone else until you yourself are whole. Looking back, I know what he was getting at. He was telling an insecure teenager that she needed to love herself before she could expect anyone to love her.

However, I tend to disagree with him that the phrase is silly. Any Army wife knows EXACTLY what that phrase means. Maybe not so much when he is home. But his absence, whether it is one night, a week, a year, is felt so much more than his presence. I can't explain the feeling, other than to say it feels like a piece of you is missing. Something is off. I feel restless, uncomfortable, insecure. It's different from when he just works late. I know he's not coming home tonight, and because of that, I am so, so lonely.

I will not miss this chapter in our lives. I hate going somewhere and being asked by every single person, "Where's J.?" He was supposed to come with me to the wedding today but of course, it was drill weekend. There's nothing worse than attending a wedding alone. It's sort of fitting, because he was absent the entire time I lived with N. and was active in the Campus House. Still, I wanted him to be there.

Ok, I'm going to go to bed now and stop whining. Sorry for this little rant. He'll be home tomorrow night and I will feel so much more at ease.

3 more years...

Reading: Watership Down by Richard Adams

Book Lists

When people find out about my book lists, I usually get one of two reactions:

1. That look people get right before they start backing away from the crazy lady.

2. They laugh and roll their eyes and say "Oh, that is SO you." Then they back away slowly from the crazy lady.

The lists started out innocently enough as an Excel spreadsheet I used to keep track of which Nora Roberts books I had read and which I wanted to read. Nana always br

ought me NRs when she visited--the findings of trips to her favorite used book store or flea markets she stopped at with Grandaddy. I probably got my book addiction from her--she too is a big fan of paperbacks.

Eventually, I stopped limiting myself to just tracking NRs and adding books that were recommended to me by friends, family etc. It was basically titles and authors, not very organized.

Then I discovered Microsoft Access. This program was invented for obsessive list keepers like me. I now have one database that houses not only book lists but also movies and music. At last count, I had 948 books on my "Books to Read" list. This list is not only titles and authors. With Access, I can also track where I can find them:

1. Kennedy Library

2. M-H Library

3. Bookins (kind of an online used bookstore/trading club)

4. My own shelves

Once I read a book, it then gets transferred to the "Books Read" list. It gets rated:

1. Good

2. Ok

3. Bad

4. Didn't finish

Aside from satisfying my one OCD compulsion, this list does create an unintentional benefit. While many of these books come from reviews and summaries I've read, once they get put on the list, I rarely remember what each is about, with the few exceptions that stand out to me. What this does is allow me to pick a book off the library shelf and dive into it. I know it came off of my list (If I'm going to Kennedy that day, I can print off a query of ONLY Kennedy books, then walk around that horribly arranged library trying to find the books on the list), so it is one I wanted to read. I don't read the jacket summary, I just start reading. I don't always know if it is a love story or a mystery or a memoir. Because I have no expectations about the characters or the plot, I can get far more involved in the story.

For example, while I love NRs for easy reading between more difficult novels, every plot line is basically the same. The entire time I'm reading, I'm putting the characters into their expected scenes:  The Meet, The Rivalry, The Big Fight, The Sex, The Second Big Fight That Causes a Separation, The Engagement, The Big Happy Family With Pregnant Main Character. It's the same in every book.

In contrast, when I picked up The Sum of Our Days by Isabel Allandre, I had no idea what it was about (a memoir of the days, weeks, years after her daughter's death). I was not anticipating the lesbian affair, the "chapel" in the woods, the Chilean conflicts. I felt real emotions that could only be felt by completely immersing myself in the lives of the characters. That connection is the reason I read, and unfortunately, it is what many poeple lack. They read the same things ove rand over and never experiment with literature.

Now, I'm not saying that you should stop reading your favorite genre. Nana still brings me NRs every time I see her. I love them. But, I alternate with one of the other 943 (I deleted a few while writing this, I discovered last week that I do NOT like John Barth's style) books on my list. Make your own list. Don't read the jacket, just dive in. Try it!

Reading currently:  Body Surfing by Anita Shreve

(And yes, I know there is a weird thing going on with my font. No idea why the top is black and bold and the bottom is normal. Does not show up like that in editing, not sure how to get rid of it.)

VACATION!!

Short post tonight, just let you know that I'm going to be away from my computer next week. I may think up a post in the next few days if you're lucky, but Sunday J. and I are outta here! Headed to North Carolina to visit my cousin and her husband and new baby daughter (last year when we visited K. was VERY pregnant). Then staying a couple of nights in a cabin near Gatlinburg. I'm so excited about that.

This trip was actually supposed to be to New Orleans, my favorite city (that I've ever visted), for our honeymoon. We were going to stay at the Place D'Armes and eat at fancy restaurants. Sigh. We probably could have still gone but it would have meant sacrificing a big portion of the money we are saving for a house. Double sigh.

J. happened to get 2 extra days off of work than we were expecting, so we decided to splurge a little (not nearly as much as NOLA though) on a fancy cabin in the woods, as a second half to our minimoon in October (had a cabin in Brown County).

Anybody have any suggestions on where to eat in Gatlinburg? We've never been, so I'm not sure what is good and what is too touristy. Also, has anyone been to the winery just outside of town? 

PS...I just noticed how often I use parentheses for little side comments. I guess I blog the way I talk, I'm always interjecting explainations and such into my spoken thoughts. Hm.

Just finished:  Richard Murphy, Confessions of a Contractor--funny, easy read. Very entertaining, especially if you are in anyway connected to some sort of home trade (plumbing, electrical, carpentry)

Next up:  Anita Shreve, Body Surfing

Chirp, Chirp!

Guess what guys! I'm so done with school! That's right, I made it to graduation! Ok, enough with the exclamation points. Geez.

Still, I'm super excited that school is finally over. Everyone tells me that I'll miss college. Nope. I am hanging up my bookbag for good. I hated school, and I'm thrilled its over.

Some of you know that there has been a lot of turmoil going on at work. Long story short, it was not sure if I was going to get the promotion that I had counted on. But, I got it! I officially started my new position today (which really, isn't that different from what I was already doing, but should be less night time work), although my real schedule change won't happen until after my vacation next week.

So what am I going to do now that I don't have a full time school schedule? I'm going to bury myself into my books! Wait, that doesn't make much sense does it? If you know me at all, you know that there is nothing I love more in this world than fiction. Usually I read a book every day or two. Lately, though, it has taken me at least a month to finish one book!  That's ridiculous! I will never get through my reading list at that pace (although, even at a book a day it would still take forever. I have upwards of 900 books on an Access database). I'll try to keep you guys up to date on what I'm reading, not so sure if I'll do reviews or not.

I just finished The Shunning by Beverly Lewis, it was fantastic. Easy read but a lot of controversial issues, and it definitely made me grateful for the life I live.

Next up, Chimera by John Barth. To be honest, I have no idea what it's about. 

One Big ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH

The nice thing about having a blog is that I can write about the major things going on in my life. it gives people a window into my life, and it gives me a place to get my thoughts out. The downside is that it is very public. Anyone can read it, which is cool, but when you want to vent, it may not be the best option. I've started and deleted about 50 posts this weekend. I cannot tell you all what is going on, and it drives me crazy. But, I must remain professional and not run screaming around the internets like I would like to. Instead, I'm going to ask for your prayers and thoughts. I expected change when I graduated. But things are not moving in the direction I planned for and I am trying desperately to find the path I'm supposed to take. Hopefully I will be able to relax soon and get back to myself. But until then, the posts may be scarce so that I don't get myself into trouble.

It's about tiiiiiiiiiime (clap clap clapclapclap)

Wow, I graduate next weekend. That's crazy. And the Monday after, I start my official full-time job. All this change has me thinking about the past few years.

When you tell someone you're a student, they have one image--short skirts, lots of beer, sleeping until noon. They picture the hostess at Cheeseburger in Paradise, driving around in Daddy's shiny new car. They see such an easy life, full of dates and parties. I know several stereotypical college girls, and while it's definitely not all fun and games, they definitely live in a completely different world.

(Now, before I get a bunch of angry comments, let me just say, I have nothing against the stereotypical college girl. My sister happens to be one of them, and she works REALLY hard. All I'm saying is that there are a lot of things about college life that I do not understand, mostly Greek traditions. Have a conversation with K. and she'll tell you I would NEVER fit into her sorority!)

Sorry about that tangent, I'll get to my point. My college career has been anything but easy. I have never been the traditional college student. I'm far to introverted. The first two years I spent curled up on my bed with a book. Then, my sophomore year I got a job as an after hours customer service rep and dispatcher for a local plumbing company. That same year, I met J. Those two took over. I loved my job, I felt like I was actually doing something productive. And you all know what happen with J. :). Anyway, about the same time, I started taking my business courses, and that's when the real disdain for college started. I LOVED my core classes (well, except astrology and math). But I never saw a point in the business courses. I made the mistake of being a Business Administration major, instead of something more specific. The major has no plan. I had to take a few classes in each department, but there was no real direction. I have had a very hard time connecting what I'm learning in accounting to what I'm learning in human resources. And throw in finance and it's all over (literally. I failed my last finance class. Upper level theoretical analysis of investments just could NOT take root in my brain, no matter how much I studied).

My junior year, I really started to feel awful about school. While I've never been the smartest person in my class, I've always felt somewhat intellegent. But that year I really started to feel stupid. Add to that the fact that J. was in Iraq and my main source of support was now limited to 1 line emails and 4 minute phone calls on tapped lines. It was a rough year, but I made it though. But I wanted to quit. Ask anyone. I just wanted to drop out, I would NEVER make it though my senior year. I was beaten up. But, I'm too stubborn to quit with only one year left.

Then I took that finance class I mentioned above. I also got married the same semester. It was awful. The decreasing confidence I had was completely dashed. I was exhausted. But I had one semester left. And luckily, I only had 3 electives and 1 business course (and 1 10 week internet course to replace the finance class, but that wasn't a big deal). Which really shouldn't have been bad except I've been sick more this semester than I've ever been. I even ended up in the ER a few weeks ago.

But now, I'm almost there. I'm going to make it. I'm going to walk across that damn stage (and then wait a month for my diploma to arrive). Then, I'm probably going to burn my books and notebooks and Ball State sweatshirts and anything else related to college. Ok, not really. But I will clean out all of my notebooks. And then I'm headed out of town, with or without my husband, depending on if he can get off work. But either way, I'm out of here. Going down to visit my cousin in North Carolina for a few days. And I'm taking AN ENTIRE WEEK OFF. 7 whole days! I didn't even take that much off when I got married. I'm really really excited! Can you tell?

Anniversaries

You know, when I was a little girl, I wanted nothing to do with anything feminine. I loathed dresses, bows, the color pink, even JEANS were too girly! I LIVED in those colorful windsuit pants that we all wore in the 90s (come on, you know you had some). I wanted to be able to run around and race the boys. I was SUCH a tomboy! I mean really, I didn't even know how to pull my hair back in a ponytail until I was in middle school. My mom always did it for me, to make me look presentable in public. I just plain didn't care. While my sisters played with Barbies, I played with Tonka trucks and Breyer Horses. I bragged that I could run across our gravel driveway without shoes on and it didn't even hurt!

I hated dolls. I never saw the point in them, I thought they were silly (never mind that I had a huge collection of stuffed animals. THAT was different!). I hated babies in any form, flesh or plastic, it made no difference. I had a birthday party when I was in second or third grade and one of the girls gave me a cabbage patch doll. I threw a fit because anybody who knew me at all knew that I hated dolls. Poor girl, she left the party crying! I feel bad now, Cabbage Patch dolls are worth a fortune! (ok so that's not the only reason I feel bad.)

Along with my hatred of babies, I also swore I would never get married. I had no sense of romance back then, I wasn't one to giggle over the cute boy in the class. I was best friends with the cute boy in class! And I could run faster than him too! I was going to be a successful jockey (or something horse related), and I would have no need for a husband.

Flash forward a decade. I became reacquainted from one of those boys I used to race around the school yard, and we fell in love. Six months ago today, I married that boy. He drives me absolutely crazy, but I'm crazy about him! I'm still trying to figure out this whole domestic wife thing. It doesn't help that I'm a full-time student and have an all but full-time job. Most of the time laundry sits on my floor until I have time to fold it, and I don't always get my dishes washed at night. My mom will be disgusted when she reads that, but for me, those aren't the most important things in my life. Dishes and laundry come second to quality time with my husband, and trying to keep myself from getting burnt out. Sometimes, I just have to unwind in the evening, instead of working even more. I'll figure out the routine eventually.

Calling all healthy people

Here's the deal. I am sick of being sick all the time. I am so unhealthy right now and I need help figuring out how to get my body back where it needs to be. The way Jordan and I are living right now is obviously not working, so I'm coming to you guys for help.

I'm in my last semester of college, taking 12 regular hours and 3 online independent study hours. I have a very demanding job that takes soooooooooo much of my time and energy. On top of all that, I'm struggling to figure out the housewife thing. I'm not a natually domestic person. I hate to clean and with my busy schedule it is hard for me to get into the routine of keeping the apartment tidy, and cleaning really stresses me out.

The kitchen is the one place I don't get stressed (well most of the time anyway). I'm getting better at creating menus two weeks at a time, so I can buy all the ingredients I need, to minimize our grocery bills and the junk food we eat during the week. I try to cook with fresh, healthy ingredients. 

So you see the general picture. The stress from going to school full time and working so much has just beaten down my immune system. I have been sick more days in the past month than I can count. My job isn't one where I can call in sick very often, especially when I'm sick on the weekends, like today. Migraines rule lately, along with colds and digestive issues that really hinder my ability to go about my day. As much as I would love to go to the gym every day, it's just not an option, and by the time I get home at night, I'm exhausted. I do ride horses once a week, but it's not enough. I've gained 15-20 pounds in the past year, and I just feel disgusting.

Help me please! Any suggestions on ways to motivate myself to exercise, vitamins you take that make you feel great, tips on how to keep my apartment less of a mess, anything would be amazing. I've gotta figure something out or I'm never going to make it until graduation. I'm losing the battle with stress, and I know I have much less crises than a lot of other families do right now. Thanks guys!

Utterly Random Survey

The last time you were in the fridge, what were you looking for? I was debating whether to take lunch or have Jordan bring it to me at work.

Where was the last door you shut? The door between the office and the tech bay.

If science found that beer causes cancer, would you still drink it? Um. Ever heard of liver cancer?

How old were you when you lost your virginity? 18

Favorite south park character? Butters

How often do you have to shave? Whenever I am not feeling lazy

Ever sleep at work? Are you kidding?

Ever go ghost hunting? um, no...

In the last conversation you had with yourself, either aloud or in your head, what did you say? Ghost hunting? Seriously?

If you came home and found a hot super model sitting on your bed eating chips and salsa, what would you do? Find my husband. He would be the source of the salsa.

What are your views on abortion? I would never choose it for myself, but I don't like to get in other women's business.

How about animal rights? I'm a die hard carnivore.

Death penalty? We'll put it this way, I don't want murderers getting out and coming after me. Plus I don't want to pay good money to feed and house them.

The last zit you had was on your: I had clear skin the whole week before my wedding. Then I had a major break out on my wedding day. What a crock.

If you got fired from your job today... I'd be devestated. Really. I love this place (for reasons that make no sense to even me haha).

Would you rather have a tiny head and a huge body, or a gigantic body and a small head? Aren't those choices the same?

Whats the longest you have gone without seeing your reflection? Probably the weekend we went camping at Huntington?

Have you ever fed an animal a jalapeno for revenge of something they did? No but Glen got my dog addicted to War Heads in the 8th Grade

When a hermit crab looses it shell, is it naked or homeless? More like it's in severe danger of being eaten.

What did you dream about last night? Don't remember but it probably had something to do with Sweeney Todd

What are hot dogs made of? the tenderest loin of the most prime Kobe Beef ever bred

Do you own a pair of Uggs? No I think they are stupidly ugly

Color of your toenails? Fall Red

Would you rather have hairy feet or a hairy belly button? Feet.

Are drummers, guitarists, or bassists more attractive to you? Oooo tough call between drummers or bassists

What words will you put on your tombstone- if of course, the choice was entirely yours... i can haz cheezburger?

Ok.. reread that last answer... change it to something else. What's your back up? I see a red door and I want to paint it black.

What was the nature of the last lie you told? I actually don't really see a red door.

Views on global warming? The planet goes through temperature cycles. Species go extinct. It's sad, but it's just the way nature works.

How do you think we could fix our economy? Do you know my finance grade?

You can choose to eat your weight in marshmellows or eat your weight in dark chocolate, which do you choose? Chocolate. It's good for you.

What WOULDN'T you do for a klondike bar? Paint a red door black. (can you tell I'm listening to the Stones?)

98 percent of your brainpower is wasted on: filling out facebook surveys

What was the last thing that you said to someone that made them go "OUCH!?" I accidently kicked Jordan when we were on the couch yesterday.

Have you ever lied to a doctor to get a doctors note to miss work or class? My mom never took me to the doctor, so it wasn't really an option.

Last halloween, your costume was: I wore Jordan's uniform.

Last time you got lucky? I've been married a week. Use your brain.

Last time you binged on ice cream? Friday. Pumpkin Blizzard from Dairy Queen. mmmmmm

Why did your last diet fail? Weddings are too stressful and I didn't have time to cook.

Favorite song, what do you like about it? I have too many favorite songs to answer that question.

We Did It!!!

Well kids, after 11 months of stress, stress, and more stress, we finally tied the knot Saturday. The day was such a whirlwind, I hardly know where to begin!  I know there were many people who wanted to be there but couldn't, so I'll give you the recap of the day. This is sort of my way of thanking those who made our day so special (Thank You cards will be sent out, but there are about 300 to write, so they'll be pretty generic unfortunately).

First off, the night before...man what chaos! Thankfully, my parents, Jordan and I had met with our pastor the week beforehand, to go over all the major details. I would recommend to anyone getting married, do this. We laid out what we wanted, so that when we got to rehearsal, most of the decision making was out of the way. I actually made a major change to the ceremony setup that day that would not have been possible to accomplish during rehearsal. I decided that I wanted to stand on the left! Crazy I know. Here's the explination, for those of you who weren't at rehearsal to hear it:  when my cousin got married last year, I had never met the groom. But, because of the traditional bride's side and groom's side, I could only stare at K's back the entire ceremony. While she has a very pretty back, I would have much rather watched her face. I decided then that when it was my turn to say my vows, I would be facing my family. Not only that, but I knew my sisters had something special planned, and if I stood on the traditional bride's side, I would not be able to watch them in the choir box (which would have been behind me). It was quite comical the night of rehearsal because Jordan's grandmother came clomping down the aisle to tell the pastor that he didn't know what he was doing!

Then it was morning, and all of us girls got up at the crack of dawn. After a quick cup of coffee, we loaded up and went to our hair appointment. My "second mommy" fixed us up all pretty (I don't think I've ever had that much hairspray!). This is about when it really kicked in for the first time that I was really getting married! 

After our hair appointment we all went to the church to get ready. Another one of mom's friends brought us lunch and then it was time to get into my dress! I felt like a Barbie doll with everyone pulling and primping and fixing and all that.

Finally, after what seemed like forever, I was allowed to see Jordan. We hadn't seen each other since the rehearsal dinner the night before! Again, not very traditional, but I'm so glad we decided to see each other before the ceremony. The photographer was in the room with us but neither one of us had any idea. I'm anxious to see these pictures. There were lots of tears of joy!

After that, lots and lots of pictures. Jordan and I both hate the camera being in our face, so we weren't looking forward to this part. However, our photographer did a fantastic job and made us feel very comfortable. She said it will be about 3 weeks for the pictures to be done, so I'll post those as soon as possible.

Is it really time to go? OMG!!!! I had a minor freak out at this point...Mom made me eat a little more to calm me down. Down the stairs to the fellowship hall, then up again into the foyer. Then one of my "brothers" started to sing. I could barely hear him but it really gave me a peace. The wedding party started their walk, Dad and I hid just out of sight. Will Maycee go down the aisle? I was told she did, but I wish I could have seen it. She probably stole the show! OMG it's my turn! Deep breath! Thankfully Lauren was there to make me breathe. She fixed my hair, my dress, and then it was time to go. The ushers opened the doors and there was Jordan. I don't think I looked at the audience the entire ceremony. Only Jordan.

A great deal of the ceremony is a blur to me. We said the vows at the right time, lit the unity candle, took communion (so glad we decided to do this!). We kissed, and then my sisters went to the choir box. I knew they had been planning something for a long time, but I had just assumed that they had picked some sweet song to sing. But then Kelsey said she wrote it. I thought I had heard wrong, but at that point I was already crying. I wish I had a recording of the song to post on here, it was incredible. It turns out Kelsey had written the lyrics way before we were engaged, and gave it to my uncle to write music for at Thanksgiving. I had no idea. It was such an amazing part of my day. After all that, we were pronounced man and wife (finally!) and then dismissed our guests. We rang the church bell and then it was time to party!

And boy what a party! The meal was great, more pictures were taken. And the dancing! Anyone who knows me knows that I do not like being the center of attention. I'll dance, but usually only if there is a huge crowd and I am in the back of it. But not this day! I had been so stressed out for so long that I hardly left the floor. Fast songs, slow songs, everyone had so much fun. We finished the night by singing "Hang on, Sloopy," an oldie that I fell in love with at Kristen's wedding. Most of the guests are not Ohio State fans, and honestly, neither am I, but the song was a hit anyway. 

I will make one comment about the wedding night. There is something that they don't show in movies and I feel all brides should be warned of. The wedding night is not full of romance like the movies would have you believe. Instead picture the bride sitting on the bed in tears while the groom tries desperately to get the headpiece and bobby pins out of her hair! Oh it was awful. It sure looked pretty during the day, but it was miserably difficult to get out!

My mom threw a morning after brunch the next day for the family that was still in town. Then we were off to our minimoon! We stopped at Oliver Winery and I'm so glad we did! I've converted my beer-drinking husband into a Wino!

Brown County was awesome, although we almost died (ok maybe that is a slight exaggeration)! The heat wouldn't turn on in our cabin so Jordan lit a fire in the fireplace. He had played with the flue and thought it was open, so we really stopped paying attention the fire. The next thing we knew, our eyes burned and I started wheezing. The cabin was filled with smoke! Jordan quickly doused the fire and got me outside and made me breathe the fresh air. I was slightly panicked, so my brave new husband had to save the day! We froze that night, thinking it very strange that the cabin didn't have any extra blankets stored for emergencies. The next day, we went horseback riding in the park and shopped in Nashville. We came home that evening to a warm cabin! Somehow, the heat that would not kick on for anything the night before, started in the middle of the day. Weird. Oh and when we were packing up to leave, we found the spare blankets. And a guest book that explained the flue and the heaters. All were hidden in very strange places. You'd think in a publicly rented cabin that those things should be placed in obvious spots for stupid people who don't work fire places on a normal basis.

Ok seriously, Haley. Wrap this up. I got a little carried away. I'm married. Whoo hoo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Some last minute wedding thoughts

I know I said I probably wouldn't blog until after the wedding, but I lied. There's a few things on my mind and I figured it would be a nice little update. Here goes....

Wow. That's the word that just keeps going through my mind. We have 5 days left! This thing called a wedding is really going to happen! The feeling is a bit overwhelming. While Jordan and I only got engaged about 11 months ago, we've been thinking and talking about getting married for a much longer time than that. It's always been that thing we are going to do in the future. It's now not really so far in the future anymore. We met with Pastor Bell yesterday evening, he kind of walked us through what we were going to be doing (a great idea for you future brides out there, meet with your officiant before the rehearsal. It will take so much pressure off!). It just made the whole thing so real. We were both pretty choked up by the time we left the church.

What's really strange about the whole thing is that the closer I get, the less stressed out I seem to be. I've been all but losing it the past month or so, but in the past few days I've been pretty relaxed. Sure, there are a few last minute details to put together, but for the most part, everything is done. I go in for my final fitting tomorrow, and actually get to take my dress home! I have my rehearsal outfit, I've started packing for our minimoon. 

Basically, I had to force myself to snap out of the funk I've been in. I've been so worried about all of the details of the wedding, and school and work, and everything else going on right now, that I really haven't enjoyed any of the planning process. But last week, after a long conversation with Mom on our way to Indy (and back and all the time in between), I finally got it into my thick skull that it doesn't matter that work has been super stressful lately, or the economy has crashed, or there has been so much drama with the bridesmaid dresses. For one amazing day, it is all about Jordan and me. I know that as soon as the moment comes when we first see each other, everything else will melt away. It will be just like that first night we really knew each other, when we laid out for hours on top of Christman's SUV and watched the stars. There was such a peace that night, not really a "love at first sight" moment, but just a peace of mind that said "this is it, this is what it's supposed to feel like to really connect with someone."

We've grown so much since then, our relationship has gotten much more complicated, and there's been more drama than stars in that bright sky. Still, we've gotten through a deployment, a devastating loss, and so many other smaller troubles. He's still the one I want to come home to at night, the one I laugh with, cry with, yell with. The one who rubs my feet when we're watching Mythbusters and eating leftovers on a night when I've been pushed to my limit. The one who drives me nuts when he mixes the white laundry with the blue jeans or puts an empty ice pan back into the freezer. I can't wait for him to drive me crazy for the rest of my life :). We're going to face at least one more deployment, many more devastating losses. I'm going to have to fight him every morning when he chooses Doritos instead of granola for breakfast. But he is going to be the one I jump up and down with when I FINALLY get this damn diploma, the one I'm going to share my beignets with in NOLA, the one who's going to hold my hand when I'm having my babies and every happy moment after. For all his "Oh Jordan" moments, he is such a strong and sturdy rock in my life and I can't wait to go through life with him holding my hand.

Phew, that was a lot longer than I planned. 5 days left people. LET'S DO THIS THING!!!!

Writerz Blox

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I was really on a blogging kick there for awhile, but I seem to have hit a block. It's probably mostly pre-wedding stress and lack of free time, but hopefully once everything calms down I'll be able to get back into it. Back in approximately 2 weeks!

The Sweet 100

) Copy this list into your site, including the instructions!
2) Bold all of the sweets you’ve eaten!
3) Cross out any of them that you’d never ever eat.
4) Consider anything that is not bold or crossed out your “To Do” List.

1. Red Velvet Cake
2. Princess Torte
3. Whoopie Pie
4. Apple Pie either topped or baked with sharp cheddar
5. Beignet (oooooooooo New Orleans)
6. Baklava
7. Black and white cookie
8. Seven Layer Bar (also known as the Magic Bar or Hello Dolly bars)
9. Fried Fruit pie (sometimes called hand pies)
10. Kringle
11. Just-fried (still hot) doughnut
12. Scone with clotted cream
13. Betty, Grunt, Slump, Buckle or Pandowdy
14. Halvah
15. Macarons
16. Banana pudding with nilla wafers
17. Bubble tea (with tapioca “pearls”)
18. Dixie Cup (I'm not sure what this is, the person I got it from says its ice cream but I can't find it anywhere)
19. Rice Krispie treats
20. Alfajores
21. Blondies
22. Croquembouche
23. Girl Scout cookies
24. Moon cake
25. Candy Apple
26. Baked Alaska
27. Brooklyn Egg Cream
28. Nanaimo bar
29. Baba au rhum
30. King Cake (though maybe when we go back to NOLA)
31. Sachertorte
32. Pavlova
33. Tres Leches Cake
34. Trifle
35. Shoofly Pie
36. Key Lime Pie (made with real key lime)
37. Panna Cotta
38. New York Cheesecake
39. Napoleon / mille-fueille
40. Russian Tea Cake / Mexican Wedding Cake
41. Anzac biscuits
42. Pizzelle
43. Kolache
44. Buckeyes
45. Malasadas
46. Moon Pie
47. Dutch baby
48. Boston Cream Pie
49. Homemade chocolate chip cookies
50. Pralines 
51. Gooey butter cake
52. Rusks
53. Daifuku
54. Green tea cake or cookies
55. Cupcakes from a cupcake shop (Oh Concannon's how I love thee)
56. Crème brûlée (This is something I have ALWAYS wanted to try and never had the opportunity.)
57. Some sort of deep fried fair food (twinkie, candy bar, cupcake)
58. Yellow cake with chocolate frosting 
59. Jelly Roll
60. Pop Tarts
61. Charlotte Russe
62. An “upside down” dessert (Pineapple upside down cake or Tarte Tatin)
63. Hummingbird Cake
64. Jell-O from a mold
65. Black forest cake
66. Mock Apple Pie (Ritz Cracker Pie)
67. Kulfi
68. Linzer torte
69. Churro
70. Stollen/Fruitcake
71. Angel Food Cake
72. Mincemeat pie
73. Concha
74. Opera Cake
75. Sfogliatelle / Lobster tail
76. Pain au chocolat
77. A piece of Gingerbread House
78. Cassata
79. Cannoli
80. Rainbow cookies
81. Religieuse
82. Petits fours
83. Chocolate Souffle
84. Bienenstich (Bee Sting Cake)
85. Rugelach
86. Hamenstashen 
87. Homemade marshmallows
88. Rigo Janci
89. Pie or cake made with candy bar flavors (Snickers pie, Reeses pie, etc)
90. Divinity
91. Coke or Cola cake
92. Gateau Basque
93. S’mores
94. Figgy Pudding
95. Bananas foster or other flaming dessert
96. Joe Froggers
97. Sables
98. Millionaire’s Shortbread
99. Animal crackers
100. Basbousa

My Count:  53/100...more than half, but sounds like my KitchenAid Mixer is going to get a lot of work in the coming years :-)

Question of the Day

What question do you hate being asked? Why?

"How's the wedding planning coming?" or "Are you ready for the big day?"

This question can be compared to a high school senior being asked "Are you ready to graduate?" Everyone who sees The Ring or hears about my upcoming nuptuals asks me this question. Seriously people, do you see the exhausted look in mjy eyes? That should answer your question. I have exactly 38 days (Holy freaking crap!) until Jordan and I finally get to tie the knot. The past 11 months have been crazy hectic. I'm always saying "It will get better when..."

...school is out and I have more free time.

...Jordan gets back from Iraq.

...we find an apartment.

...Jordan gets a job.

...we move into our apartment.

...we get unpacked.

...and on and on and on.

I kept blaming it on all of the outside factors. I've been stressed all summer. However, the closer we get, instead of being less stressed, I'm feeling even more pressure. It's not so much that I mind terribly doing weddingy type things, and my mom has helped out so much that there's a lot that I have not had to do. It's the fact that the closer we get, the more conflict there is. People aren't coming who said they were going to help. My mother in law wants to change the time of the wedding so that she can milk her cows. We should have daisies instead of mums. We have to do this, or we can't do that. Some of the things, I just shrug my shoulders at. I'm not a great event planner, and I haven't been involved in many weddings, so there's a lot I don't know. Mom has several friends who either have had their kids get married or want to be event planners, so it's been a big help. They have been able to tell us what things we need to be worried about when (and to give us the push because Mom and I are both procrastinators.) I don't want anyone to think I'm ungrateful for the help. I'll be the first to admit that I'm not good at this kind of thing. But there are some things that I struggle with that are really frustrating.

A big one that anyone whose been a round me lately has undoubtadly heard too much about is my weight. I've gained way too much since Jordan's been home. At first I didn't realize it, I've never really been one to worry about it. Then, when we went to pick out my veil and headpiece, we tried on a sample of my dress (because Lord knows when mine will be in). Now, this dress is amazing, completely opposite of what I had pictured in my head, but amazing nonetheless. However, we ordered it when I was excersizing every day with Tosha, and I had the metabolism of a 5 year old. I looked amazing, and so this dress looked amazing on me. Now, I've gained a lot of weight, and it is all sitting in my belly. Mom says I look 5 months pregnant (trust me, there's no baby in there). I've been trying so hard to diet, it's not working. We bought bikes so we could start exercising, but rarely do I have time, even if I could FIND the energy. I haven't been to the grocery store in 3 weeks because I've been so busy and tired. And I LOVE to grocery shop. The weight is not coming off like I hoped and my self-confidence is taking a hit because of it. I'm going to have to get a body sleeve, because this dress will show every bump imaginable.

Now, don't get me wrong. I can't wait to marry Jordan. To the point where he's getting tired of me asking if we can elope. I just want to be Mrs. Wall. I'm just tired of everyone telling me how to run my own wedding. This is our day. There are two days that people are going to pay this much attention to us:  our wedding, and our funeral. I won't be here to enjoy the second one, so please let me have this one day where I can have things my way.

And stop asking me if I'm ready. I'm ready to be married, I was ready when he proposed 10 months ago. But a bride is never ready for her wedding until those big doors open the back of the church and everyone turns to look at her. Then you won't have to ask me. You'll know.

A Word about Libraries

With most libraries, I can walk in, take a quick survey of the layout, and then spend hours perusing the shelves packed with novels, biographies, parperbacks, hardcovers. In a public library, the shelves are stuffed. The organization is clear, set out in the careful Dewey Decimal system we learned in the 4th grade. If you are lookng for something specific, it's so easy to find. If you want to browse, there are thousands of books of all subjects to look through, each in their own sections:  Fiction, Nonfiction, Research, Young Adult, Children's, Large Print Fiction, etc. There are comfy chairs in quiet, musty corners. That's a big point--it's quiet. People who frequent public libraries usually have enough respsect to turn the volume off on their cell phones, and no better than to talk loudly about their latest sexual encounter.

I'm a senior now, and still I have never felt comfortable in Ball State's library. In fact, today was the first time I even checked out a book here. I never know where to find anything--that's the biggest problem. I hate the way Brackin is set up. It makes absolutely no sense. Best Sellers are easy enough to find, but that is such a small collection of fiction. I looked up one book on CardCat, it's call number was PQ8098.1 L54 Z46 2008. What does that even mean? Where do I even start to look for it? Brackin is not a browsing library. I can go and print off my homework, or meet for group projects, but it has never really felt like a library to me. It's so noisy. Even on the 4th floor--the "quiet study area"--there is no escape. Phones ring, girls giggle, and boys, well they are just boys. Those of us who actually are there to study or read are too distracted.

Oh, the brightly covered arm chairs and up-to-date computer systems may be exactly what most students are looking for. Maybe I'm just old school. I've even noticed that my library at home has been seriously updated, even adding a hip-looking coffee shop. But I like the musty, dim-lighted corners. I miss finding something new in shelves that I've looked through hundreds of times. I think on my next day off I'm going to get a card to the Muncie Library.

Photo from here.